The other day I was walking through a bookstore (I know, what is this – the 90s?) when I spotted a stand filled with one of my favorite children’s books: If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. There are so many reasons this book is among my favorites: it is wonderfully written, adorably animated, and underlines the crucial lesson that you should never offer wildlife food or allow them into your home for an extended period of time. Flipping through this book in the store, however, I became acutely aware of how much of the advice within speaks to life and politics in our nation’s capital. Looking back, it is practically a starter’s guide for young political minds; and while the advice is in the guise of an adorable mouse that ransacks a child’s otherwise peaceful afternoon with his increasingly unreasonable requests, the undertones are pure D.C.
LESSON 1: If ____, then ____ and the futility of Why.
When I venture out of D.C. for the occasional vacation or city cleanse, I am bombarded with the same question regarding every political scandal to hit the news cycle: Why? Why would he . . . Why did she . . . Why would they . . . It is always the same inquiry.
To successfully live and thrive in this unique political environment, the first lesson is to stop asking why – it would eventually drive you insane. In the same way that if you give a mouse a cookie, he is going to want some milk – If you give a politician a cellphone that takes pictures and a phone directory, he is going to send a picture of his junk to an intern (best case scenario) or his twitter account (worst case scenario). In the same way, if you tell CNN the first half of a sentence, they will run to publish it without hearing the second half of the sentence. Or if you give Dick Cheney a gun and a hunting buddy . . . well you know how that ends.
LESSON 2: All things start where they began.
After the mouse has ransacked your house, wasted your entire day, and drained your bank account with his various shenanigans, the book tells us he will make one more simple request – he will ask for a cookie. In that way it all comes full circle; like the song that never ends, you will forever be caught in the black hole that is this mouse’s incessant needs and demands. Such is life in D.C. and the convoluted political process our founding fathers envisioned.
In D.C., today’s immigration fight is tomorrow’s . . . immigration fight. We are constantly wrestling over the same set of issues, constantly tugging at the proverbial rope as it moves slightly left or right over time. This is the government our founding fathers envisioned: one of careful checks and balances, one that moves so infuriatingly slow that only the most devoted stick out the arduous process of getting anything done, one that requires so much compromise that even when your side wins, it turns out you didn’t really get anything you wanted. Eventually, some people will decide to get off this crazy political carousel and move into normal, productive lives. Others will fall in love with the insanity of this political atmosphere and forever ride around in circles, sometimes changing which animal they are seated upon.
The important thing is to realize that if you get on the carousel with the right intentions and move that rope even slightly towards justice, you have already accomplished the impossible. In the meantime, remember to enjoy the ride – we are living in incredible times.
And, of course, LESSON 3 - never feed D.C. wildlife – we have some vicious squirrels in these parts.
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