I have lived in D.C. for two
years now and am still completely baffled by how all of the tourists know the
official day when “tourist season” starts, yet D.C. residents seem to be caught
completely off guard every year. It is as if, as a city, we collectively hope
that come warm weather, all of our national monuments will grow legs and move somewhere
where they are some other city's problem. Part of the shock is there is not a slow
spring trickle of tourists that grows into the regular summer onslaught, they
just all show up at once. One day every red double-decker tour bus that passes
is empty and the next day it is full. Boom! You’re in tourist season: do not
pass Go, do not collect $200. (Also, when it rains, all of the tourists put on
those plastic ponchos – why is that a thing tourists? Why?)
For all of the crowds and
frustrations that it brings, I am actually a fan of tourist season. More
accurately, I am a fan of the beginning of tourist season.; that bright-eyed
month or two where a person can view the city anew through the wondered gaze of
people viewing their nation’s capital for the first time. Case in point, the
other day I was walking to work when a family of tourists stopped cold in front
of me and started to take pictures of a large glass-faced
office building. I looked up to see what they were photographing and
noticed, FOR THE FIRST TIME, that the building has this incredible
three-dimensional glass front, like some of the windows stick out further than
others creating this cool visual effect. Could I have looked up on any
other day and seen that – sure; but I didn’t, because I just never thought to
look in the normal course of my day. (Also because most of the sidewalks in
D.C. are so poorly maintained that looking up at a building could probably
result in a serious trip and fall situation. And don’t think you can sue the
city for that, because you would be suing the federal government and we all
know they are dead broke. The feds are so broke right now, if you opened the
White House game closet, even the Monopoly money would be gone.)
But that is what the beginning of
tourist season brings, the ability to view this incredible city anew. To
actually feel a little excited when the motorcade goes by, instead of worrying
that you are going to lose your OpenTable points when you are late for your
dinner reservation (a legitimate concern, no doubt). To get swept up in the
excitement of the moment when a tour group thinks they see John McCain (pro tip:
it is not McCain, he is too short to be viewed in a crowd of people). To
realize you are living in a city that people travel to see, instead of a city people
travel away from. That is what tourist season brings.
That dream moment that is the
beginning of tourist season always ends the same way, however, and that is in a
screaming fight between residents and a large tourist family as they stand on the
left side of an escalator during rush hour. Or in watching a child get separated
from his family when they fail to realize that the metro doors do not have
motion sensors and will legit close on you, regardless of your gender, age, or
financial status (I seriously saw metro doors close on a pregant woman once. I am serious, metro is cold). Or when you show up to your favorite restaurant and there is a
wait because it is filled with, literally, 10 million 8th graders wearing the
same splatter-painted “I love D.C.” sweatshirt. Those are the moments when the
dream that was the beginning of tourist season is truly dead.
But for now we are still on the cusp
of that beautiful moment of city renewal. The time to discover the nation’s
capital through the eyes of every eager tourist and every slacker 8th grader
who can’t figure out why the class couldn’t have taken their graduation trip to
DisneyWorld. For now we can all just enjoy.
A happy tourist season to all and
to all a good night!
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